Imagine the scene. Sedate Doctors waiting room, all mellow and calm if you had that second walked in. Small baby crawling about, 3 year old putting her shoes and socks on, the two year old chatting happily.
Poor lady Doctor decided to call in her next patient, sees the scene and the faces of the people waiting ... raises her hands in surrender, "I promise, I didn't touch her".
What on Earth could cause a well respected lady doctor of indeterminate age to feel the need to say this? What made her think that everyone in the medical centre assumed she had just tortured a couple of children??? After all, before those children went in, they had been sharing toys and been model citizens.
However, as we entered the consultation room two of them turned into the monsters from screaming hell, I know too well. (You know, the extra special screaming tantrum throwing, nightmares that they save purely for you at home).
The biggest one refused to come out from behind me, almost pulling my trousers down. BUT I was prepared! Maltesers in my bag, I nervously produced them, wondering if I would get reported to social services for using chocolate bribery at the Doctors. By this point the doctor was full on ready to try everything.
It didn't work! AGGH!
The baby screamed every time I tried to put her on the floor to grab the big one and just pull of her sock. So I passed her to the Doctor. OH MY! I have never seen her so frightened and scream so angrily before! But I had to go with it, screaming 3 year old fighting to keep her socks on. I grappled her to the floor and WOOOO, sock of. SHIT, wrong bloody sock. Rugby tackling movement again, hurrah! Other sock off. Oh...... it was the right foot to start with.
So from a distance, with me holding the baby again (this doctor could see no endearing charms in my children by this point!) that splinter was investigated.
And you all know the ending to this story don't you, "Leave it, it will come out on its own eventually".......................
At that point I suggested to the eldest she put her shoes and socks back on in the waiting room, with protestations from the middle one (who I had completely forgotten was with us) that she needed to fix Mr. Potato Head.
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3 comments:
I lknow I shouldn't, but this is just such a well written, funny post!
I hope the splinter comes out soon. Have you tried a good ol' bread poultis?
FUNNY??! FUNNY???
Actually I was giggling about it with the lollipop lady when we came out! I remember hiding behind a large piece of furniture from the doctor when I was a child...
Reminds me that my 'bad leg' (falling on a bus) which I have taken to the doctor twice recently is still bad and must be taken back. Shame I bloody well have to go with it and can't send it off to the doctors on it's own.
There's something about the doctors surgery which drives them crazy, my normally placid boy was rather difficult last time he saw HV there. I personally found the shorter wait and less crowded waiting room more pleasant than the HV clinic, but the few moments we were in that room were horrid.
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